And so it starts. A couple seasons ago it was "The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love" or "The Bachelor: An officer and a gentleman". This year I'm calling it "The Bachelorette: Bottom of the Barrel" or "The Bachelorette: The Leftovers". I'm not impressed people.
But, surprisingly, I totally got sucked in last night.
There's so much to cover, I'm breaking it into two parts.
The Tools vs. The Good Guys
First up...the Tools.
Tool #1: Tim the Lush
Seriously...you get a chance to meet the Bachelorette and you spend the entire night wasted. Classy. I don't even want to waste time talking about him. He's a complete DB and I couldn't see him go fast enough.
Tool #2: Ames a.k.a Quasimodo
I know that this is going to sound so mean, but I cannot get over the resemlance between Ames and Quasimodo. It's uncanny really.
I also couldn't get over how much he loved himself. "I've run 39 marathons, 8 ultra marathons, been to every Ivy League school and have 800 million degrees." You can't buy love and you are STILL the Hulk. I have NO idea why Ashley gave him a rose.
Tool #3. Jeff aka The Phantom
This guy is a complete weirdo. Even the music fades to Phantom of the Opera when he's on. Even his bio pic is just a silhouette. His whole guise is that he wants her to get to know his heart...the Real Jeff and doesn't want his face to figure into it. What do you think? Is this just an attention getting stunt or is he hiding something??
But, the DB of the Night award goes to...
4. Bentley...the ScumBag of the season
This guy is a real piece of work. Maybe Fleiss is pulling a fast one on us, but he's making himself out to be the biggest jerk of the franchise. Even worse than Wes. His comment about not caring one bit about Ashley's feelings...maybe if it was Emily..." made me so mad. What a jerk.
Ashley had some heads up on him. My bet is that Michelle from her season (remember Crazy Michelle who also lives in SLC) gave her the scoop. Ashley was set on letting him go, but alas...he proved to be too charming.
And, fortunately/unfortunately it looks like he makes it pretty far. Should be entertaining!!!
Now, let's get to the good guys...
1.) Ryan P. aka Mr. Sunshine
I like this guy. Okay, so his promo was cheesy with the solar gig/sunny disposition in life/heart framing the sun bit. But, he's cute and happy and I think that he and Ashley could be cute together. I worry that he has some Jake Pavelka tendencies though.
2.) William aka Sweet Home Alabama
For every Quasimodo, there is a Josh Lucas doppleganger. Thank goodness!!
He's cute, but may be too eager. Only time will tell.
3.) JP aka Cupcake
He looked much better last night then he does in his Bio pic. There was something chill about him that I really liked. What I didn't like...Ashley begging him to call HER cupcake. Please. You shouldn't have to ask for a nickname!
Other Contenders:
West aka Male Emily - Dead wife (really was tragic) and catchy gift for Ashley (compass that only points West). Could be good. Unfortunately he got very little air time last night. He is darling though.
Ben F. aka Josh Groban
What is it with celebrity look alikes this year? I kept waiting for Ben F. to break in to "You Raise Me Up" at any moment. Ashley totally digs him and the prospect of being a winery heiress a la Andrew Firestone. I can't see the attraction at all but previews have him in Thailand, so we'll see!!
All in all, I thought the first 10 picks were complete dogs. I seriously thought it might be an episode of "Punked" or the "Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Twist Ever". It wasn't...she really chose those guys. She redeemed herself by picking the cute guys last. This season looks FULL of drama. I can't wait.
Tomorrow...part 2 of this post.
What you should NEVER do coming out of the limo!!

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